I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you inspire me to be a worse person
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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