Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
