Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
