Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
