Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
