i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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