At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
