Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
