Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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