my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
