That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
