Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
