i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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