well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
