Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
