so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
two words: eviction party
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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