apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
