My nipple is on Facebook.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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