You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
