He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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