I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
