It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
