I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
