If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
