Small penises have feelings too.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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