It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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