Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
