This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
