whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
