Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
