Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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