I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
