How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
