Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
