At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
