so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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