dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
