yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
