I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
