Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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