Swine flu. Run for my life!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
