Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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