I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
