You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
