My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
