Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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