My room smells like vodka and shame
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
