having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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