i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
