she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
