whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
