One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
