I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
